Hoping for an Easy Path

Since I knew that this gift is in me on the Jan 11, my life changes drastically. Physically and from outer appearance I might look the same, but I am fighting with the fear inside. I tried to be positive and look as normal as I can to the people around, but somehow I can't. And obviously my mom and dad noticed. It's just they didn't ask me why but asking my best friend instead. I keep on giving fake smiles to everyone but I am so bad at it. They knew something big happened, not only the worries and fear of going abroad.

I was convinced by the counselor that my health is still at top condition as of today. So she allow me to go and come back to see her the first thing once I return. And my doctor at the medical center was continuously giving me helps and words of advice. She is such an angle. She prepped me with boxes of medicines in case I am getting common sickness during my trip. I felt relief and gained some internal strength to get through this. 

And on the day I'm leaving, not a single tears came out. And successfully fake the smiles in front of everyone.

Tak putus-putus aku berdoa setiap kali solat supaya Allah permudahkan jalanku di bumi Arab itu. Aku berharap dan bermohon padaNya supaya segala urusanku berjalan lancar and mudah tanpa sebarang halangan. Aku tidak mampu lagi behadapan dengan sebarang masalah kerana aku tahu aku dalam keadaan yang sangat rapuh. Aku masih belum mampu menerima hakikat keadaan dan nasibku ini.