Saya tergerak hati untuk berbicara tentang dilema pasangan magnet (positive+negative) yang ingain mendirikan rumah tangga. Kebelakangan ini saya banyak menerima email yang bertanyakan tips, procedure dan tidak kurang juga yang meluahkan perasaan. Banyak yang gusar, tertekan dan tidak pasti tentang keputusan mereka untuk meneruskan hajat mendirikan rumah tangga.
Pada pandangan saya, perkahwinan dan HIV adalah dua perkara yang sangat berbeza. Mungkin ada pembaca tidak setuju dengan pandangan saya tapi tulisan saya ini adalah bersadarkan pengalaman sendiri yang saya lalui.
PERTAMA, untuk berkahwin seseorang itu harus bersedia dari segi emosi, kewangan dan nekad untuk memikul tanggunjawb sebagai suami/isteri. Banyak yang perlu dikorbankan dalam perkahwinan. Dan sekiranya anda tidak kuat dan mudah lari dari masalah, perkahwinan akan menjadi suatu beban. Banyakkan berdoa, sandarkan setiap perbuatan dengan ajaran Islam dan sentiasa berkomunikasi dengan pasangan.
KEDUA, HIV tidak menggangu kehidupan rumah tangga. Anda bebas melepaskan tuntutan batin, mendapatkan zuriat dan sebagainya. Sama seperti orang lain. Dengan ubat dan teknik tertentu, semuanya InsyaAllah akan selamat.
KETIGA, isu mendedahkan status pasangan terhadap keluarga. Dari segi undang-undang, pihak perubatan cuma berhak mendedahkan status anda kepada pasangan sahaja. Anda tidak perlu mendedahkan status kepada ibu bapa atau rakan-rakan. Simpan sendiri dan hadapi bersama. Dalam Islam sekali pun, kita wajib menyimpan aib pasangan kita, bukan?
KEEMPAT, prosedur perkahwinan untuk pasangan magnet sebenarnya cukup mudah. Sama seperti orang lain juga. Jangan tertekan dengan borang yang akan ditanda 'positive' kerana kebanyakan jabatan agama Islam negeri tidak lagi mendedahkan status tersebut dalam borang.
KELIMA, berjaya atau tidak perkahwinan bukan bergantung kepada status. Jika anda suka 'main luar', tidak jujur, tidak sabar, perkahwinan mudah sahaja akan gagal. Lihat sahaja kes penceraian saban hari. Punca utam - bukan kerana HIV pun. Tapi berpuluh lagi sebab lain. Pasangan HIV yang nekad untuk hidup bersama, selalu berdoa dan berkomunikasi - InsyaAllah akan bahagia smpai ke syurga.
:)
Monday 23 October 2017
Tuesday 12 September 2017
Support for PLHIV
Assalamualaikum w.b.t.
Kebelakangan ini, saya menerima banyak email dari rakan-rakan yang baru didiagnos, mempunyai masalah dengan urusan perkahwinan dan sebagainya. Kebanyakannya buntu dengan apa yang harus dilakukan.
Untuk rakan-rakan yang memerlukan bantuan, ingin meluahkan perasaan atau ingin berkongsi cerita/tips, anda boleh menulis kepada saya di hismaghfirah@gmail.com. InsyaAllah saya akan cuba balas secepat mungkin - jika tidak ada kekangan waktu dan kesibukan kerja.
Tapi sebelum itu, saya ingin kongsikan beberapa perkara yang anda perlu lakukan sendiri dalam mencari penyelesaian kepada masalah 'hadiah' Allah ini.
InsyaAllah, tiada masalah yang tidak boleh diselesaikan. Ia memerlukan kesabaran, ilmu dan doa.
Talk to me OK!!
Kebelakangan ini, saya menerima banyak email dari rakan-rakan yang baru didiagnos, mempunyai masalah dengan urusan perkahwinan dan sebagainya. Kebanyakannya buntu dengan apa yang harus dilakukan.
Untuk rakan-rakan yang memerlukan bantuan, ingin meluahkan perasaan atau ingin berkongsi cerita/tips, anda boleh menulis kepada saya di hismaghfirah@gmail.com. InsyaAllah saya akan cuba balas secepat mungkin - jika tidak ada kekangan waktu dan kesibukan kerja.
Tapi sebelum itu, saya ingin kongsikan beberapa perkara yang anda perlu lakukan sendiri dalam mencari penyelesaian kepada masalah 'hadiah' Allah ini.
- Banyakkan istighfar - Istighfar akan menengkan hati dan memgingatkan kita tentang kekuasaan Allah. Tiada sesuatu lebih kuat dari Allah dan oleh itu kita wajib kembali kepadanya.
- Bercakap dengan rakan/orang yang betul - cuba cari rakan atau kaunselor yang arif dan benar-benar faham dalam hal ini. Jika anda bercakap dengan rakan yang tidak faham, ia akan memburukkan keadaan.
- Makan makanan yang kurang berminyak/segar dan minum air sejuk - secara teori, memakan makanan yang berminyak dan berlemak akan menambah kemurungan. Ambik lebih banyak buah-buahan dan minum air sebelum tidur.
InsyaAllah, tiada masalah yang tidak boleh diselesaikan. Ia memerlukan kesabaran, ilmu dan doa.
Talk to me OK!!
Friday 18 August 2017
Conceiving & the challenge!
It's been 18 months since I started my HAART. Without knowing, taking the pills is a part of my daily life now and I do not need the helps of my alarm to remind me. My biological clock works by itself now. Sharp at 10pm everyday, I will automatically swallow my pills!
The trauma of having to take pills everyday is no longer there. My wife is the biggest supporter. Only Allah knows how much I appreciate her effort. She never forget to remind even when I already did that myself. She even keep the tablets in her handbag, in case I forgot to bring when we went out.
We recently celebrated our first anniversary two weeks ago. Hehe. And we can't wait to have kids by our own. After 3 rounds of blood taking in my regular Hospital Sungai Buloh, the doctor give a green light to conceive naturally. I can loose the protection, and few tips were given to maximize the chances. To be fair, I was undetected after 6 month but the doctors still prevail me not to conceive, until the next 2 rounds of blood check-ups. This is to triple-confirm that I am really OK/safe.
But it is not as easy as that. I do not have major problem to 'make love' when using protection/condom but when I discard that, it struck me really bad. I'm soo scared that I might hurt her or transmit what I have to her. And there you go, the thing that is supposed to be fun turned to be a nightmare. This happened few times until I am really exhausted, mentally. The trauma and the thoughts keep on coming and it distracts us again and again.
Luckily, she (with her medical background) did her reading, point out statistics and assure me that everything is gonna be fine. I am a 'safe' person, she said. And she don't mind to go through this together with me. Alhamdulillah, we manage to get things worked out. But yeah at this moment, Allah haven't give us the happiness yet. We are both busy, and the timing is not in our side. Haha. You know what I mean. We always missed the 'peak time', but we keep on trying.
Pray for us, all. And we always for everyone too. A good friend of mine proved that this gift is not an end. He did have babies, so why can't I right?
The trauma of having to take pills everyday is no longer there. My wife is the biggest supporter. Only Allah knows how much I appreciate her effort. She never forget to remind even when I already did that myself. She even keep the tablets in her handbag, in case I forgot to bring when we went out.
We recently celebrated our first anniversary two weeks ago. Hehe. And we can't wait to have kids by our own. After 3 rounds of blood taking in my regular Hospital Sungai Buloh, the doctor give a green light to conceive naturally. I can loose the protection, and few tips were given to maximize the chances. To be fair, I was undetected after 6 month but the doctors still prevail me not to conceive, until the next 2 rounds of blood check-ups. This is to triple-confirm that I am really OK/safe.
But it is not as easy as that. I do not have major problem to 'make love' when using protection/condom but when I discard that, it struck me really bad. I'm soo scared that I might hurt her or transmit what I have to her. And there you go, the thing that is supposed to be fun turned to be a nightmare. This happened few times until I am really exhausted, mentally. The trauma and the thoughts keep on coming and it distracts us again and again.
Luckily, she (with her medical background) did her reading, point out statistics and assure me that everything is gonna be fine. I am a 'safe' person, she said. And she don't mind to go through this together with me. Alhamdulillah, we manage to get things worked out. But yeah at this moment, Allah haven't give us the happiness yet. We are both busy, and the timing is not in our side. Haha. You know what I mean. We always missed the 'peak time', but we keep on trying.
Pray for us, all. And we always for everyone too. A good friend of mine proved that this gift is not an end. He did have babies, so why can't I right?
Monday 23 January 2017
9 months - the up and downs!
Salam alaikum!
I started my pills 9 months ago, and alhamdulillah everything goes very-very well. Since diagnosed, I never had any sickness or disease - and up until today it stays that way. God pour His mercy on me, I guess.
Today is my 6 month anniversary - wedded to a beautiful woman that accepted me and promise to live together until the end of our life. Yes, I'm married last July and little was written about it - not because I do not wnat to share, but I'm so busy with life. Work is always consuming my days and the commitment towards family and in-laws.
My wife is always as supportive as ever. I glad to have her. But the married life is far harder than that. Cliche that people say, once you get married then only you know who is your real partner. But that's the truth. And I guess the same thing happen to every married individual.
Marriage is not putting your life on a gamble. If you win, you win or if you lose, you already know the possibility. Marriage is actually a war - where you cannot run from it and have to fight until you bleed, and continue fighting until winning. That the virtue. It might hurt, tear yourself apart but apparently it will heal and at the end of the day - you will find happiness.
Being a magnet couple is not easy either. I always have the fear that I might hurt her physically (that's the last thing I would imagine). Knowing the tips, techniques, the do-and-dont's is essential for a healthy relationship. I read a lot, talk to the counselor in HSB and get advises from friends who went through this earlier.
The roads are still far away. I do not wish to face death before I'm ready, but if it's written that way, at least I know I've given my best for everyone. Cheers.
p/s: If you wish to talk to me privately, write to me at hismaghfirah@gmail.com
I started my pills 9 months ago, and alhamdulillah everything goes very-very well. Since diagnosed, I never had any sickness or disease - and up until today it stays that way. God pour His mercy on me, I guess.
Today is my 6 month anniversary - wedded to a beautiful woman that accepted me and promise to live together until the end of our life. Yes, I'm married last July and little was written about it - not because I do not wnat to share, but I'm so busy with life. Work is always consuming my days and the commitment towards family and in-laws.
My wife is always as supportive as ever. I glad to have her. But the married life is far harder than that. Cliche that people say, once you get married then only you know who is your real partner. But that's the truth. And I guess the same thing happen to every married individual.
Marriage is not putting your life on a gamble. If you win, you win or if you lose, you already know the possibility. Marriage is actually a war - where you cannot run from it and have to fight until you bleed, and continue fighting until winning. That the virtue. It might hurt, tear yourself apart but apparently it will heal and at the end of the day - you will find happiness.
Being a magnet couple is not easy either. I always have the fear that I might hurt her physically (that's the last thing I would imagine). Knowing the tips, techniques, the do-and-dont's is essential for a healthy relationship. I read a lot, talk to the counselor in HSB and get advises from friends who went through this earlier.
The roads are still far away. I do not wish to face death before I'm ready, but if it's written that way, at least I know I've given my best for everyone. Cheers.
p/s: If you wish to talk to me privately, write to me at hismaghfirah@gmail.com
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